I feel like I have a lot of intertwined thoughts and question going on here.
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a while. At my age the doctor says we might have to look into fertility treatments and informed me of all the downsides of having kids at this “advanced maternal age”. I still feel young at 37. My thoughts are “not knowing if we will have another kid is preventing me from taking action on other things”. I use this thought to cause anxiety over all the baby stuff we are saving (clutter!), as an excuse to not train for my very first sprint triathlon (hey, I can cancel if we get pregnant which feels simultaneously relieving and disappointing and that’s a separate model on my training inaction), and is preventing us from making summer vacation plans with family (due to Zika), etc. I’ve tried modeling this and I can’t find one that works as a revised thought that feels believable. Here is what I had:
T: We may not be able to have a baby.
A: Compare/despair, focus on things I miss out on (I can’t have a baby and I also can’t go with family to Mexico, have a clutter free home, etc.)
R: Find evidence of neither path going my way.
I want to feel like I have a course of action, that I have some direction, but my thoughts currently have me feeling stuck by something I cannot control. I do have other thoughts that prevent me from training, dealing with overeating, overspending, etc. which I can model effectively. I can achieve weight loss because I can control factors that affect my weight. I need to work towards accepting that I can’t control the outcome but working on thoughts that still lead me down the path to what I want though I may not get it.
F: Can you have acceptance without giving up?
A: continue healthy habits and TTC
R: The situation is the same but my feelings have changed which will happen when I figure out how to think about this.
What questions do you think would help me think of new effective thoughts? Do you have a podcast I can listen to? I have listened to them all in the past and I have picked through the list you have in the booklet. I haven’t found a fit.