Sucker Punched

Hi there, I have been going through a lot unpacking old thoughts that keep me playing small. One of the themes of my childhood is that pretty much from 0-16 my life was very unstable with a lot of tragic and unpredictable things happening. I think my childhood brain has the thought don’t trust life, always be ready. I think that keeps me from taking risks or trusting my good fortune because it could change on a dime. Like if I let my guard down to enjoy life that when life goes side ways I will be sucker punched and if I am not expecting the hurt it will be so overwhelming I can’t come back from it. Like my brain has prepared hurt is ok, being blindsided is ok and also comes with the story of you should have known better and not dropped your guard. TIA