Suffering from Addiction (picking my skin obsessively) – answer to questions and attempt at the model

To answer your questions…I see that I pick out of pure habit and to avoid an emotion (and probably for other reasons that I am not aware of). I definitely pick more when I am feeling anxious (which is often). I also pick when I could be relaxing/just being or when I am in the shower or lying in bed. I am noticing that I often pick when I am doing one thing but feel I *should* be doing other things, so my thoughts are often – *I am a slacker. I never get anything done. Matt (my husband) is going to see that I didn’t get much done today. Why am I so lame? I need to make more money. I am so stuck. I so want to live on purpose but I don’t know how to.*

I would say that I am very aware that I am picking when I’m picking so it doesn’t often feel mindless. I feel like I am aware of my body but I don’t know that I am fully present (I am more in my head thinking that “I can’t believe I am doing this again,” etc…) While I am picking and after I pick I very much feel shame, like I want to hide and cover up.

Ok, here is an attempt at the model. I am brand new here so this is all very new for me.

C – I pick my skin obsessively
T – I can’t stop. I am so stuck.
F – Shame
A – I stay stuck
R – I am not living my purpose

Thank you so much for holding space for me here. It is priceless and so appreciated.