Suicidal thinking and my R line

Hi coaches – I recently recognized that I have this thought floating around in my head: “I just want to die.” I don’t feel compelled to act on it (like actually go through and kill myself) but it does make me feel depressed and physically exhausted. I am going to start seeing a therapist for this too. But I’m also curious how this shows up for me in my actual life – Can you help me with my R line? And I guess I am also not entirely sure what triggered the thought (the C) but I will take my best guess. I think it’s my business results but it honestly seems like a very exaggerated response to my current results.

C: 1 consult appointment this week for my business in comparison to last weeks’ 7 consultation appointments;
T: I just want to die
F: depressed
A: buffer: eat unplanned ice cream for dessert; eat unplanned chips and hummus for lunch; eat breakfast (toast and peanut butter, which I don’t normally do); lay down for a nap; don’t really move around that much all day – want to stay sedentary; don’t reach out to my one consult for Monday and send her my normal reminder text; do not manage my mind around my thinking;
R: I create habits that make an untimely death more likely (sedentary, overeating)

Thanks for your help.