Supporting a friend


A friend occasionally invites me and other friends to view her speaking events online. She’s so talented. She also has low self-esteem and describes herself as sensitive and insecure. We always give support and positive feedback, which is super easy to do, and it’s totally genuine because she’s great at what she does. However, on the last occasion she described the way that I gave her my positive feedback as “torturous” and “oppressive” and reminiscent of her late father withholding positive affirmation for any of her creative activities. Her issue was that I didn’t give the positive feedback quickly enough. I texted right after the event saying it was great, so fun, etc, and I said I looked forward to giving my full detailed positive thoughts during an upcoming group Zoom time that was just a few days away. This seemed fun to celebrate her in the group setting and have the leisure of talking about her performance in real time. Unfortunately, she didn’t like the delay. I apologized, clarified my intent, and apologized again. That was months ago. The current situation is that this week she’s invited us to view her speak again. I notice that I immediately made a plan to send positive feedback straight away without delay. On the one hand, I will most likely have genuine positive feedback because she always does so well. On the other hand, I realize I want to avoid inadvertently upsetting her again. I’m trying to control her model about my future feedback. I know I cannot control that. How can I shift my focus back to my model? I realize that I’m not sure how I want to feel, so that’s a place to start? Thank you for any suggestions!