Sweaty Husband!


I know that most of the work that I have been doing in scholars involves me managing my own thoughts and recognizing that other people just get to be/show up however they are. This has helped me tremendously, but I find that sometimes it not just about changing my own thoughts, but maybe solving a problem. How do I apply the model when it involves someone else? For example, my husband frequently goes out for long bike rides and comes home really sweaty and dirty. He will take off his bike pants (ew!) and put on shorts and a fresh T shirt and then sit on the furniture. He doesn’t believe this is gross at all. I do. The manual–yes, I have shared it with him and it states very clearly that you should always shower after exercise or yard work before sitting on any furniture in the house, or on the porch that cannot be hosed down. Common sense…right? Ha! I just replaced the cushions on two porch chairs…they are fabric, cannot be washed, and I am seething over the fact that he just came back from a bike ride and is sitting on these fresh new cushions. (I threw a set away last spring because they smelled so bad. Did they smell bad because they were 15 years old, or did they smell bad because my stinky husband would sit on them after biking 30 miles in 95 degree summer temperatures?) You can see where my thoughts are going. Help! I have kept most of my model work to managing my own thoughts, now I want to apply it to solve this problem with my husband. I feel like I should be able to ask him to sit on the metal furniture when he is dirty, or buy something for him that he likes and let him sit on that when he is sweaty; I will try to find a solution, but it seems like it is an uphill battle. Please help me figure out a way to manage my frustration and irritation. I don’t want to feel mad at him, but I feel the only way I won’t be mad is if he stops this behavior. It’s his house too, so is it up to me alone to manage my thoughts about him sitting on the upholstered furniture sweaty?