Swimming in Stress/Not Good Thoughts

I don’t know what is with me lately! I have just been feeling stressed. I feel like part of the problem is I’m just not focusing on what I’m doing well or how hard I am working/the effort I am making. I feel like I’m not doing enough in my business. I just feel like crying and hiding away! (I haven’t been, btw, but damn do I feel like it!)

I went to a networking event and just felt like I totally bombed it. I didn’t connect with that many people and had thoughts like “they won’t be able to relate to me because I’m thin/fit” and “no one wants life coaching. “I felt defeated in the end. I realized I didn’t prepare myself mentally beforehand and next time I will. I was all up in my head and grumpy vs focusing on adding value or giving or connecting.

I have just felt stressed and like there’s so much to do and so many people that I need to answer to/who need me for something/who want something from me. I feel depleted. Before I went to teach my dance class last night my sister-in-law (she lives with me and my husband) asked for advice on a big financial decision and I just about burst into tears because I didn’t want to give her advice on it; I was feeling really stressed so I wanted to do some breathing exercises before I went to teach and I just knew she was going to want something from me when she came upstairs. I did end up saying I couldn’t give advice then, teared up, excused myself and cried with the few minutes I had before I had to leave. All I feel like doing right now is crying. I don’t understand exactly why I’m so stressed.

Another thing is that my husband has been drinking and smoking weed the last few days and when I’m stressed and he does that, it’s really hard for me to choose helpful thoughts in the moment! I just get annoyed and think “Welp, there goes any chance for connection in the little time we have to do that this weekend/tonight” or “welp, we probably won’t connect and have sex then”. It’s so unhelpful and I know what it does is prevent us from connecting in that moment (I haven’t ran a model, but I’m sure that’s the result”. I feel this odd thing of feeling like I need to control him or something like that when he is tipsy/stoney bologna like that. I wish I could just let that go. He doesn’t do that to me. I don’t drink anymore so I think that’s why it annoys me now and not before. And I don’t often get stoned myself either. I wish I didn’t judge him that way and could still enjoy his company.

Maybe I’m doing too much? But there’s much to do so I’m just not seeing another way right now. I feel all over the place. I’m close to being done with my CCP training (I’m already a coach with some paying clients), so I’m getting ready to focus on business 100% again and actually bring in a decent amount of $. I think it’s bringing up all my feels and without drinking to cope.. well, it gets stressful. Lastly, I am also on a very restrictive autoimmune paleo diet (no grains, beans, nuts, sugar, coffee, nightshades, etc.). That has been stressing me out a lot lately too. You have to cook everything you eat and the extra time for that is difficult to come up with. I feel like giving in but I’ve already done that 3 times in the past and this time I am finally getting to the reintroduction phase. I don’t want to stop it, but it just feels like another layer of stress to add and it adds more to my to-do list.

I welcome as much coaching as you’d like to offer and thank you for reading my long ass story!