Swinger worried about weekend away


We are swingers. Some friends of ours in the swinging community have asked us numerous times to join them for a weekend at their mountain house a few hours away. We have not gotten physical with these friends and I am feeling pressure that they would expect us to play with them. And maybe not expecting but hoping and then if we don’t want to, they would be disappointed. I see how I am in their models here, but am still having anxiety.

To make matters worse I am in my husband’s model because he isn’t very attracted to the wife. We don’t want to get sexual as payment for a free weekend away out of imagined obligations, but we also really like these people as friends and have connected with them more than anyone else in the swinging world, so we don’t want things to get awkward and lose their friendship. “We value your friendship too much to get physical with you” sounds like one of those things a dude would have said to me in my 20s to get out of the relationship, not something one actually says and believes.

C j and k have a mtn house and invited us up there
T I don’t want things to get awkward with them during the weekend or ever
F anxiety
A avoid committing to the weekend away
R don’t increase connection, don’t live honestly and authentically

C same
T I don’t want to be anxiety ridden Because my husband will pick up on it and then we’ll fight quietly in our room on that trip and the weekend will get awkward trying to pretend we are ok
F anxiety
A worry, obsess, don’t make plans with the couple
R don’t go to mountains, don’t increase connection with them or husband

I’m not sure how to get out of everyone else’s model and into a good one of my own, these tips I’ve feel awful.

Thank you coaches.