Swingers intense relationship crumbled from jealousy and manuals


We are swingers and met a couple 2 years ago with whom we had a brief but intense relationship. It ended because of COVID, some family issues, but mostly my discomfort over the other wife. I had a manual that she was too into swinging, too into my husband and shouldn’t be messaging him without asking me if that was ok, she shouldn’t be asking to have private video chats with him, she shouldn’t be so aggressively trying to get him alone, most of our swinging is same room play historically, which I prefer.

Final straw was a very large fight where my husband said “if you don’t trust me, then we have a big problem”. I repeatedly said it’s not you I don’t trust, it’s her. I still feel it was her I don’t trust, not my husband. We’ve been in the lifestyle for 10+ years and I have never had this experience with any other wives.

Fast forward 2 years to now-
I periodically think about this couple and feel bad because I ended the relationship and this wife was the most into my husband that I had ever seen, actively pursuing him and from his viewpoint, they had developed a friendship. I feel like I took that relationship away from him out of jealousy. I know my thoughts cause my feelings, and I must have had different thoughts about the wife and her behaviors than about any other wives in the last decade. But no other wives have tried to get my husband alone or texted him incessantly (or really ever without including me). No one else has been so aggressive with trying to connect with him and not me. My feeling was very uncomfortable.

Can this be as simple as I had different thoughts based on personal boundaries and desires and she blew past them in ways other wives had not?

I don’t like that my husband thought I didn’t trust him, it was about her and I didn’t trust her, but that’s caused by my thoughts. What if I just don’t like how someone is acting and I don’t want to change my thoughts about what is or is not acceptable re-swinging and my husband?

I still feel somewhat anxious and mildly nauseated when I think about what if I ran into them or heard from the wife on our messaging app and it sends me into rabbit hole of different ways I could have handled things that may have meant the relationship could have been salvaged. I don’t want to “be confused” about this but sometimes I wish we had a second chance now that I’ve had some coaching, and sometimes I hope we never hear from them again. Thank you coaches! 🙂