T and R line help with forced challenge


I would really love help with my R lines in my models below and coming up with a believable thought for the 2nd intentional model. Below are my unintentional and intentionals.

Backstory: I want to challenge myself to learn more about investing so I am not ripped off by financial investors but have been choosing to put this challenge off. Quote on quote I am choosing to wait till things return to normal.

I really would like to choose to take on this challenge of learning about investing  now but I’m have a difficult time with a challenge that’s been ‘forced’ on me.The challenge that is being forced on me is taking care of myself. I have missed a day of work both last week and this week so far because I couldn’t get up out of bed in the morning to work. When I would wake up to try and work , my head will be pounding and I’d feel dizzy. I would then go back to sleep and not wake up till 5 pm, sleeping a total of 20 hours.

I really think why I’ve been sleeping this much is more due to how I look at tasks still ( a chosen challenge) But I could be wrong, I might also have an inner ear infection since I’ve been feeling really dizzy in the last two weeks (forced challenge).

I find myself beating myself up while trying to get tasks done in the time I allotted, beating myself when a task takes more than 2 hours and thinking I should’ve known how to break down the task, beating myself up when I thought I could get all 4 tasks done but struggle with getting one done still and dread rescheduling the 3 tasks I couldn’t get done. I want to be like the rest of my peers and be able to work in a quick paced environment but I keep finding evidence supporting that I can’t and thus will not be valuable to other employers. I can’t find many job applications without finding the words – fast paced environment that pay a decent wage and honestly feel like vomiting when I see these words. Seeing these words reminds me of how invaluable I felt when a previous boss told me I’d be better working somewhere that isn’t fast paced. I don’t plan on being at my current job forever as I know there will be a time coming up shortly that my living expenses will exceed what I’m currently making.

I work in a slower paced environment now and am making a decent wage but fear that if I keep getting sick and taking days off that I’ll be let go and I’ll be replaced easily by someone else.

UM 1:
C: Took off last Wednesday and Today from work
T: I really can’t request an more days off from work
F: frustrated
A: I shout, I blame others, I throw things, I physically ball up by pushing my face into my lap, hands, or a pillow, I beat myself up with words I tell myself
R: I can’t find a way to not take days off from work

UM 2:
C: Took off last Wednesday and Today from work
T: I am going to get let go from my job
F: anxious
A: cry alot, beat myself up with my thoughts, I look for something else to do like eating a snack, I’ll take medication my therapist says I should take when I’m anxious
R: I don’t take care of myself

IM 1:
C:Took off last Wednesday and Today from work
T: I can reach out to my doctor and request an invisit appointment to have blood work done
F: Hopeful
A: I say nurturing things to myself, I try things to get to result I want
R:  I am trying to prevent taking off more days from work

IM2:
C: Took off last Wednesday and Today from work
T: My boss may not be thinking of letting me go
( I don’t believe this thought though even though it feels better )
F: calm ( if I believed the thought in T line)
R: I am taking care of myself ( if I felt calm)