I recently launched my coaching business and I feel like I’m enjoying the process. Although I still don’t have many clients, I’m kind of enjoying just putting my stuff out there and getting positive feedback, the dopamine is irresistible!!!
But I’m like, really going at it hard. I take ADHD medicine which helps me focus but also makes me forget to take breaks and drink water and stuff. I also seem to forget to talk to my friends and hangout with my family. So it’s hard bc while I do like what I’m doing, I am finding it near impossible to turn it off. I don’t know how to relax I’m bored when I’m not doing something. I have no idea how to relax.
Well I guess that’s the thought.
C: I spend almost the entire day (14+ hour) working with very brief breaks to shower and eat
T: I have no idea how to relax
F: not relaxed
A: I work more, make more plans, update calendars, work on website, set up phone calls, bite my nails (that’s relaxing), shower (that’s relaxing), and that’s it.
R: I don’t find healthy ways to relax
I guess on some level I feel like relaxation is a waste of time. But I want to enjoy people in my life. But I feel guilty when I’m not working.
Am I a workaholic?
Hmm. I guess that’s another thought.
I get up in the morning with a fire under my ass. I like that. But I neglect so many other aspects of my life that are important to me.
I guess I want to be the kind of person who has balance. I want to spend more quality time with my boyfriend without having taken my ADHD medicine…I take it just to give me energy and then I don’t sleep.
Well…actually that’s interesting. Maybe I’m judging myself for taking ADHD meds when I don’t actually have ADHD. I take it for increased energy and focus.
I think this might be what’s at the root. I feel like I’m overdoing it, I’m too wound up, too hyperactive. Those are my thoughts. The C is that I took my Vyvanse.
C: took stimulant medication
T: I am way too wound up and hyper and annoying
F: critical, condemning
A: I work harder to try to get more done to prove my worth. Im hustling to prove my worth.
R: I continue to hustle. Continue the hustle cycle.
Okay.
I mean, I don’t have ADHD. I don’t need that medicine. I take it bc it helps me hustle. So I guess I take it to hustle and then condemn myself for hustling. And then I don’t have balance bc I took medicine to hustle and then I get mad that I don’t have balance.
I want quality time with boyfriend. Quality time with friends. Quality time with brother. Time outside. Time alone to myself where I’m not working like a maniac. To be embodied and not stumbling over my words all the time because I’m rushing.
I am reluctant to do that because it means I have to drop the hustle and if I drop the hustle I get scared.
So yeah. I guess there’s my answer. I have to walk through the fear of what would happen if I dropped the hustle.
I’m scared that if I dropped the hustle that my business won’t get off the ground. It won’t be a success. But I guess the question is: is that true?
Maybe I want to believe in the possibility that I can have incredible success without massive hustle.
Okay, I need to do a thought ladder on this.
Any other suggestions you guys have?
