Taking a big leap

Last week I decided to let go of one of my 3 main sources of income to focus on my other 2 sources of income. I am a musician and make a living from performing and teaching. Teaching privately has always been my stable source of income, but I want to do more with my life. I am 38 years old and I have taught since age 20. I know that I have what it takes to be successful in my other businesses. My compelling reason is “this is my beautiful life. I am here for more.” Last week, during my coaching call, I switched my brain. The coach helped me to see that in doing private teaching I was letting myself down (I previously had the thought that if I let it go I’d be letting everyone else down. I had that thought for 8 years.). After the call I made the decision to retire in 4 months.

I emailed my clients. I felt great for a week.

and now I feel like an anxious ball of shit.

My husband freaked out and has thrown several tantrums because I am letting go of part of my income— which supports my old thought that I’m letting people down. I am no longer participating with that thought, but I see its imprint still. I keep telling him “Dude, I am already successful at what I do. I can create much more income and excitement in letting private teaching go.” I know this is true. BUT then the other part of my brain is FREAKING out. I always think “No one will sign up for my group class. Its stupid. I don’t know what I am doing.” But I keep growing my group class like crazy. Then I think “No one will come to my concerts. I suck and don’t know have any chops.” But lately all of our concerts have sold out. I have always kept going despite these thoughts, but I want to accel and not play it safe. Normally I can continue on with these thoughts because I always know I have teaching to fall back on. Now I have removed teaching b/c I want to be a full time performer + grow my group class biz. I’m a ball of anxiety.

Anyway, I am in panic mode. Here’s my model. Thanks in advance for any help! I know this is the river of misery. I don’t like it, but I will swim in this stinky river, knowing that if I don’t turn back my wildest dreams can come true on the island of paradise at the other side.

C: I am letting go of private teaching in 3.5 months
T: I need to replace that income immediately (TODAY) so that I can prove to myself and others that I am capable
F: Anxiety and stress
A: Frozen stuckness. Mostly act and thinking from a place of panic/desperation
R: Spend more time trying to feel better than actually making little steps towards setting up work for this fall.

C: I am letting go of private teaching in 3.5 months
T: I am not responsible for the results or my efforts, rather, I am responsible for making the efforts.
F: Relief
A: Ability to think more clearly and accomplish one task at a time.
R: I gradually replace my income that I am giving up for the Fall.

I am new so I hope I did this correctly.