My father in law lives on the opposite side of the country, and is neighbors with his daughter, my husband’s sister. The sister volunteered to take care of the father in law as he ages. We send her money for food and expenses for him. We recently found out that he has far more health issues than we had previously known, that he is in worse shape than we had thought, and that the sister in law isn’t taking care of him as she had promised. My Action line is the same in my unintentional and intentional model. What am I missing?

C – Father in law has a cracked femur, rheumatoid arthritis, weighs 120 pounds, pees in his pants, needs help to get in and out of the car
T – My sister is law is doing a terrible job taking care of him and a terrible job communicating about his care to us; she should be able to do a better job given that she has far more support and resources than we do
F – Disempowered
A – Make spreadsheet with a list of all the health, financial, end of life and other documents and information we need to help improve his care
R – Annoyed that she isn’t doing the job as I think she should

IM
C – same
T – My sister in law isn’t up for the job of taking care of her father
F – Accepting
A – Same as UM above
R – We take over his care