Talking about behavior with kids

It’s really sinking in for me that no one can make me feel anything, that it’s just my thoughts that do that.

Any recommendations on language around this for little kids? I’m guilty of telling kids that they’ve hurt each other’s feelings, as a reason why they shouldn’t behave a certain way. Or comforting someone who’s feeling bad because (of their thoughts about) what someone else did. I feel like I’m operating two different systems right now- mine with the model, and old school with the kids. Any suggestions?