Teen Daughter Part 2

You are totally right, my thoughts are contradicting themselves. I can see how this would be so confusing to my daughter on the receiving end.

Part of the problem is my thought: “I want to get this right.” Which I think actually comes from the thought: “I’m not getting this right.” Which is obviously giving me that result.

Another part of this, is my husband has a huge problem with the way she is dressing and I see his point. But it’s not necessarily my stance on the subject. My daughter feels like she should be able to dress however she wants and says that we’re using the same thinking behind blaming sexual assault victims (“she was asking for it”). I feel torn and in between the two sides. That is where part of the contradiction comes from. I feel like if I don’t say anything then I’m being irresponsible and just letting it go because it’s easier rather than having the hard conversation. But I don’t even know what the hard conversation is.

Answers to your questions:
Why do you believe it not appropriate for her to wear low cut shirts that show cleavage?
At 14, I don’t think she realizes how she can be perceived by what she wears and showing cleavage. Part of this goes back to my teenage years. I looked young, but had a large chest and got a lot of attention for it, and sometimes I liked it, until I didn’t like it. Especially from creepy older guys. Now that I’m an adult I can handle it. But I feel protective of her as a child.

Why not around her friend’s parents and older brothers?
It’s one thing if she’s just hanging with other teen girls at the beach, but at her friend’s houses I think she should cover up. Especially when she’s the only one dressing that way.

Reading through this it’s like I have a manual for her, but she’s not an adult, so I think that’s okay. If she were an adult this wouldn’t bother me. But, it’s my job as her parent to have rules and to hopefully teach her to treat herself with respect and love.

I guess I’m still confused on how to convey this in a loving way. Or if to an outsider this just sounds like I’m being controlling.