I’ve been dating someone recently and a week ago tried to have a conversation with him, actually we had a conversation it just seems to have evolved into us not dating any more and that wasn’t really my intention (though maybe it is for the best), I’m feeling pretty sad, hurt and rejected now.
C: He writes… I care about you… we should take a gentle pause… with kindness and love… we were enjoying dating… but maybe we see relationships and live our life differently… Gosh, there were a lot of misunderstandings… trip sounds fun.
He doesn’t like me.
What did I do wrong?
What is wrong with me?
Can he not tolerate miscommunication?
Why can’t we fix this?
How were we so close and then a week later he is saying that we see relationships and life differently?
Why didnt he bring this up before if he thought it was an issue?
Why doesn’t he like me?
I was reaching out for communication and connection and he is pulling away.
I shouldn’t be with him anyway.
We are not a good fit.
I really liked him.
I enjoyed being with him.
He was sweet.
(but) what was he thinking?
We seemed so close and now so distant.
It shouldn’t be this way.
I dont like that life is like this.
Being close and then distant seems strange to me. I dont like it.
I did something wrong (repeat).
I was being too demanding.
He didn’t want to have conflict.
He saw things differently than me.
It’s hopeless – relationships.
In general my feelings are down, discouraged, sad, hurt, rejected, alone, and not-good-enough.
My actions have been to be sad, talk with friends, communicate by email with him, feel discouraged, “ignore” the issue and work on other things. Do this thought download. Feel hopeless about the world of intimate relationships (not friendships).
R: I feel discouraged, not good enough, needy, crappy.
If I split this up into 2-3 models I get:
C – same
T: He rejected me.
R: rejecting self
T: I did something wrong
A: ruminate and try to figure out what it was
T: I did something wrong (and I dont know what it is so I’m bound to keep repeating this mistake until I die)
A: either runminating/worrying trying to determine what I did wrong, or just give up and do nothing, sign up for dating coaching programs, listen to youtube videos on relationships, study relationship communication – feel exhausted and that I need to keep listening to get the crucial information that I don’t have.
R: I’m tired
I could try
T: what if nothing has gone wrong here?
but I don’t believe that, so it doesn’t work.
Any help appreciated!