I have a lot of issues with social media news like facebook or whatsapp, the one with gory details. I read one a few years ago on how a guy repeatedly raped and tortured and murdered a 5 year old girl. And this is haunting me until now. I have a 6 year old girl. Since then what I have done is controlled my environment. I have unfollowed all my friends on facebook. I don’t open any forwarded messages in whatsapp. My control has been successful for a few years. I don’t watch tv or listen to radio or read any news either.

Last week, my mum talked about trafficked kids in water cylinders, the age of my son, 3 years. And I just bawled and bawled.

C mum said “in Syria they kept 3 year old kids in water cylinders to be sold. Imagine the heat”
T the world is a terrible place
F unsafe
A had emotional breakdown. I was crying so hard my body was aching and had a headache afterwards. Told mum sternly I don’t want to hear things like this.
R i am doing terrible things for my mental and physical health by not managing my thoughts.

C as above mum said…
T i can’t handle it if terrible things happen to my kids
F powerless
A controlled my newsfeed. Bawled. Ruminating bad things
R not handling my emotion well

C as above mum said…
T mum ruins my peaceful world
F blame
A got angry with mum. I am ruminating about bad scenarios
R i am ruining my own peace

Lots of models that don’t serve me…

Been in scholars long enough, about 3 months, to know it is my thoughts…

I want to feel safe and peaceful… Can’t find the thoughts yet….