Terror about business debt and reinvention

I’ve had a “time for money” business model for decades as a speaker, trainer, facilitator, coach, consultant. I’ve tried many times to leverage my expertise through online courses, group coaching, hiring help, and managed to switch over for 2 years where I was making a 6 figure income. I made some mistakes though, such as too much market concentration, and not enough systems and my main marketing strategy person didn’t work out. So, I went back to the “time for money” model and have been trying again as a “side hustle” for the last 2 years to again reinvent my business in a more leveraged way. During that time I burned through my savings and got a business loan. I really hate being in debt and have been judging myself for ending up in this position.

In retrospect, I see from the SCS work, that all kinds of fears were keeping me from fully committing to this path. After doing the inner work and fully committing to this new path, I noticed my old ways of making a living dried up. On the one hand I felt relieved to have the time to focus on the new direction, but on the other it meant burning quicker through savings and racking up more debt.

I am finally ready to fully launch with a whole new infrastructure, systems, staff, content. I’m really excited and proud of it all, and keep doing the inner work. That said, I wake up in terror every day. I’m just being with the terror and working hard on believing this will work, but some days it feels so hard to keep ahold of the vision. Some days, I feel like I’m 3 feet from gold and other days I feel like I’m delusional and will fail like so many others have. Underneath it all I see that judgment of myself being in debt is really crippling me.

Here are the models I’m working on. Any tips for taking this new thought deeper?

C = $130K in debt
T = I am a bad person for getting this far in debt
F = judged
A = Avoiding doing the launch
R = Still not launched my new business and even more in debt by June 2020

Using the Model to Create a Result

C = $130K in debt
T = It’s ok that I have debt because many businesses need seed money to grow
F = excited about the launch
A = Going full steam ahead
R = Successfully launched my new business and paid off debt by June 2020