Terroristic Tot

Hi, I had a parent teacher conference with my 4 year old’s teacher yesterday and he’s on the verge of being kicked out of pre-K because of his behavior. From what I can tell he may have Oppositional defiant disorder and I’m arranging a visit with his pediatrician (I’m a physician but not a pediatrician…) I am HORRIFIED by his behavior (hitting/refusing to listen/terrorizing other children some of whom are afraid of him now) and don’t understand it as my oldest is well behaved, and he lives in a house with loving parents who don’t yell and hit etc.

I also don’t want the struggle for him, and from a work stand point, I am not sure what we’ll do if he gets kicked out so I need to deal with this drastically now. I know to do that I need to clean out my own head. I am really struggling with not resisting the feelings that this is hard and that’s ok (which is where I want to be I don’t envision an intentional model much rosier than this so my goal is more to not resist…) help! Thanks!