Jody’s Coaching on relationship was very helpful to me.
I could totally relate to the woman with small children who is missing the connection with her husband.
My husband and I love eachother, but since our kids are born, there is very little time together. Furthermore, we have no common hobbies and almost no sex life.
This had been bothering me for years, and it even hurt my feelings.
But when the kids came, I was so tired myself, that eventually, I accepted the lack of intimacy (compared to previous relationships).
Nowadays, the kids sleep much better and actually we could try again to have some intimacy. But when the kids are finally in bed, my husbands enjoys watching Netflix with his smartphone and earphones plugged in, while I am working on my Business. So it seems, we both have other priorities.
At the same time, we both want to rejuvenate our relationship.
We even planned a particular day the week for intimacy. (We both agree that without a little commitment, nothing is going to happen in that area. We were being intimate maybe 2 or 3 times a year.)
Now, I am intrigued by Jody’s idea, that it is not only about the time that I spend with my husband, but that it is even more important that I deepen the relationship with my intentional thinking.
After Jody’s advice, I have been watching my husband for minutes (mindfully, as if I would see him for the first time) and in my mind I looked for all the things that are so great about him and made some “inner lists” about all the reasons why I love him.
I try to do that every single day and it is very helpful.
I see that he is a very intelligent man (which I find super attractive) and a loving father (which is very cute). He also hugs and touches me a lot, so he is very loving and kind, too. There are so many things I appreciate about him.
However, this appreciation does not help me so much with the intimacy part.
My husband is almost always too tired for sex, and then I have no interest in convincing him. And to be very honest, I do not find him that sexually attractive anymore.
I also have the hindering belief, that he is not a great kisser, which is sad because I love kissing. (He complains about my kisses, too, so maybe he is a great kisser, and we just don’t match that well.)
Another hindering belief that I have, is that I guess it is normal in a long relationship to lose sexual interest in your partner. At the same time, I admire relationships in which both partners still find themselves sexually attractive. I honestly wonder how they do that.
When I hear my girlfriends talk, it’s always the man who wants the sex. But in our case, my man has never wanted it so much.
Before marrying my husband, sex was an important and “fun” part in my life. I would love to have a sexually fulfilling relationship.
I wonder whether this is possible?
Or should I be more accepting of things such as they are? Should I think: Well, I chose this man, and our relationship is: Wonderful, loving, intimate, but not very sexual.
Is there anything I could do (or think)?
Maybe I am missing something that you can see for me.
Thanks so much!