The circumstances change but my feelings/thoughts are very similar


Hi, I’m new to SCS, I joined March 14th, I’m working on thought downloads and assessing the situation using the model. What I’m wondering is how anything gets better or changes when my thoughts and feelings seem to stay pretty consistent even though the circumstances change. I’ve been married for 14 years, I pretty consistently think or wish I was divorced and had my own house.
Here is my most recent thought download and using the model:
C: My husband is sitting on the coach playing a video game on his phone.
T: He is so lazy, I hate how much he sits around playing video games, it’s like a part time job for him. He could be working on our dining room wall to finish the board and batten but he doesn’t care.
F: Disgust/anger
A: I’m not reactive anymore, my past tiffs with him have shown me that confronting him about his behavior doesn’t result in the change I hope for so I day dream about what it would be like to have my own place.
R: We are like roommates, we don’t fight but I don’t feel close to him at all.

I’m learning from listening to Brooke that our stories don’t matter but my history of my parents is always in the back of my mind or it’s the story that I keep going over.
C: My parents are divorced
T: My parents both changed (for the better) after their divorce and I can’t imagine what they would been like if they stayed married.
F: excitement
A: I focus on this question/problem in my mind daily wondering how I can make a change, I use EFT (tapping) and try to strategize and pray that maybe I can be divorced without totally ruining my life.
R: I get up and repeat the day before, nothing changes. I don’t know how to go through a divorce, I’ve never done it. I’m also worry that I’m idealizing this picture of living on my own and realize this will also mean I will only get my kids half of the time.

It just occurred to me this morning that maybe my husband and I just decide that we are going to get a divorce just like we came to the decision to get married. I kept thinking that I couldn’t get divorced unless he had an affair but I also realize maybe it doesn’t have to get that bad.

I came to scholars hoping that I will learn how to make this change in my life without horribly negatively affecting my kids and causing a huge financial hardship so I’m wondering how change will happen and what I need to do differently.