Yesterday early morning I was working from home, deeply focused. My bf kept commenting ‘why are you in such a bad mood?’, to which I would say ‘Im not, Im just trying to concentrate on my work’. This kept up and he started scolding me for being so unpleasant and then sat across the dining room table scowling. I got annoyed and said something angry about him being wrong to judge me. He proceeded to give me the cold shoulder all day, refuse to make eye contact and only grunt when i made an offer of food or spend time together in evening. …Today he came in from his night shift and immediately started yelling at me, i had forgotten to take the trash can to the curb. Then more silence and more scolding. … so what started out a good day with me in good spirits turned to me buffering and online shopping for a pretty outfit to add some romance back to our relationship… i should have been working but the unresolved fight felt more pressing. Where i really struggle is being okay with his anger. It continued all day and after i offered to make dinner and he replied when do you ever make dinner…as if I dont dont anything for him. I was so hurt and angry. I lost my cool and started yelling ‘here I am trying to make ammends over and over for whatever wrong you think ive committed and all you can do is push me away’…. so end result Im the one who lost thier cool and reacted out of control or reason. Part of me logically knows that I should give him space and let him come around to me, but i keep finding myself trying to be peacemaker and when that fails I make the situation worse by loosing my cool.
…so that was long… i suppose your answer is simply learn to be ok with the discomfort… but is there ever a different answer because that just doesnt seem to do justice to the circumstance. Isnt there a piece of advice a thought that leads to a different action other than just enduring. Im not talking about leaving the realtionship, I want to know how to be in relationship and still feel supported when the only person im around is not loving.