The Difference Between Having Your Own Back And Feeling The Need To Defend Yourself

It was my birthday yesterday – it’s the first birthday that my husband and I spent apart. He forgot. I know it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me – he has a long history of being bad with remembering dates. But I still feel irritated/sad/maybe angry? I spent a lot of the day hoping that he’d remember but not wanting to bug him because he’s doing some cool work stuff. I know this is all very anti-scs and anti-self empowerment because I’m giving him the responsibility of making me feel special and remembered on my bday, but it doesn’t quite feel the same just thinking the thought on my own. Probably because I don’t believe it?

Basically I’ve had feedback from one on one sessions that the irritation/sadness sticks around longer if I don’t feel it, but I find that when I try to do the whole explain your feelings to an alien thing, the feeling bleeds out and gets worse. If I was feeling irritation, it tends to bleed out and get heavier all around my body into sadness. And I’m not sure what to do afterwards. Maybe there’s nothing, but I haven’t yet figured out what the option is that best has my back and I wonder if I’m trying to jump to that option before fully feeling the feeling. But when I feel the feeling, I just want to not talk to him and make him stew in it (not that I have any control over his feelings or thoughts) so he also knows what it’s like to be forgotten? Ignored? Again which I know isn’t being emotional adult but feel so satisfying – and whether I should own that as being where I am now? I’m not confused – I know that I am making the choice to swing between the things, but I’d appreciate some guidance in navigating the space.