The disappointment of actually trying…


Context: I’ve been building my coaching business for the last year. At this stage it’s still dicey whether I’ll be covering my monthly bills. My husband (also self employed) has been supporting me for the last year but has said recently that looking at what he has coming in and our out-goings over the next few months we’re not going to have enough.
This has me feeling very worried/ panicky even. Wanted to look at that so I could feel more secure – it took me down a different path than I thought.
One of the things that “worried” me was that I wouldn’t be able to go to my friend’s wedding in Portugal in April/May. That I would have to let everyone know that I couldn’t afford it.
As a result I would feel ashamed/ disappointed/ left out. (also doubtful that I’ll ever make the money that I want).
Currently I’m kind of banking on my husband paying for it or putting it on a credit card.
Up until today I felt much more willing to put ourselves under more financial stress than feel the shame of letting everyone know I couldn’t afford to go.
I then posed myself this challenge – that I could only go if I could create enough money to pay for it myself.
All of a sudden not going and feeling ashamed and disappointed felt so much more desirable.
The thing is that I’m used to feeling the resigned disappointment of not even trying, Actually trying and failing is a whole other kettle of fish.
The belief being that I won’t be able to make the money.
I want to believe that I can create money. I want to feel self reliant.
The only reason I have come up with as to why I don’t believe is because I haven’t done it yet. So what!?
I want to finally resolve my money beliefs – can you PLEASE! HELP.