The F*ck It Diet

I am having conflicting thoughts about the Weight Loss program I am doing and could use some advice.

Even though I am doing the ‘Lose Weight’ programs… I am actually not very motivated to lose weight. I am 5ft 5in at 132lbs and could lose 5-10 pounds but I don’t really care if I do or don’t.

I DO however desperately want to be mentally strong & courageous. To feel all my feelings on purpose and to stop buffering. (My buffer tends to be chocolate & snacking on yoghurt and muesli at night when I am exhausted and have trouble processing emotions.)

Since starting the Weight Loss program – my thoughts about the program have exasperated my experience with eating. I don’t struggle with overeating at meals but lately, I have been thinking I need to restrict certain foods and certain food windows.

When it comes to actually eating, I am ravenous and uncomfortable, and end up eating more then I normally would. My cravings have intensified during the day, which I have never experienced before.

When I think “I can’t eat until 11am…” or “I can’t eat sugar or flour” my feelings become distressed. I am also more preoccupied with thoughts about food then I have been in years.

On the flip side, when I think thoughts such as, “You can eat what you want, as much as you want, whenever you want… but it won’t solve how tired you feel or your uncomfortable emotions right now…” I chill out. I don’t feel the need to overeat because I know I can have food whenever I want and I can get into the issues at hand.

Planning my food for the next day is making me want to buffer more by overeating these foods I never had the desire to overeat before, rather than waking up and knowing that today I would eat what I want, when I want, in what quantity I want.

My question is – is this normal? Is it me that is not working the program or is the program not working for me?

It doesn’t feel like it’s working for me… but I am wondering if this is part of a common phase? Is there another program I should focus on to deal with buffering with eating chocolate & snacking at night?