I have noticed a pattern in my relationships where I find fault with my partner’s family. I point out everything that is wrong with them and cause a lot of drama over not wanting to spend extended time with them. The families have been completely different but my reaction to them has been the same. That makes me think my thoughts must be the same. I started with my actions and realized I do them when I am feeling “uncomfortable”:

Unintentional Model:
C: me staying with the in-laws
T: this is not what I’m used to
F: uncomfortable
A: point out everything that is wrong with them to my partner/cause a fight over not wanting to spend extended time with them/try to get away/act rude/shorten visits
R: I don’t get used to them

I can’t totally stop thinking “this is not what I’m used to” because I truly believe that. But I came up with some bridge thoughts I can believe at the same time:

C: me staying with the in-laws
T: I was invited here (meaning–>) I belong here
F: confident
A: act like myself/react like myself/stop spending so much time in my head worrying what others think of me
R: I fit in a lot MORE acting like my usual self

C: me staying with the in-laws
T: I can choose to just be myself here
F: comfortable
A: do things the way I normally do/let other people do what they want to do/be more observational and less judgmental
R: I show up as me and people get to know me.
Bonus R: Just like I get to be me, they get to be them, and I get to know them

Typing that makes me realize I could probably do a whole model on that last bonus:
C: me staying with the in-laws
T: This is an opportunity for me to get to know them in their environment
F: Curious
A: Observe them/don’t judge them
R: I get to know them