The job part II


I was at work yesterday and really feeling really good mentally and managing my mind around being there. I’ve been sitting with your question from my previous ‘Ask Brooke’ about what is there for me to learn at my job(that I have a story about how much I don’t want to be there/I don’t like the job etc.) and how is this helping me grow. I believe that the job is helping me really understand and realize that it’s never anything outside of ourselves that causes us to feel anything but always our thinking on a deeper level. That fighting being there and thinking it’s the problem is a lot of what’s causing feeling exhausted and defeated.

Yesterday I was working on a project in the afternoon that was physically taxing – moving boxes, shifting heavy files and reorganizing the archives in a small dark room. I was trying to manage my mind but at the end I was wiped and I’ve noticed that’s a trend at this job. I am good at managing my mind in the beginning of the day/week but by the end, I’m ready to just check out and fall back into…
c: spending time in the archive room
t: This is ridiculous
f: exhausted
a: push through, get stuck in my old thought loop of believing that it’s the archive job causing my aggravation, finish the job with a chip on my shoulder, get mad and annoyed about the whole thing again
r: I feel ridiculous and frustrated about my mental state

I was trying to work on an intentional model for this and an intentional story to practice while being at this job but nothing is really sitting right. Is the river of misery – going in-between ‘it’s not the job’ and ‘it is the job’ causing how I feel? I realize that a different job could potentially make it easier to think better thoughts and provide relief but that’s just changing circumstances and I want to shift this at the root level but feel like I’m in a blind spot here as to where I go next.

Also, any thoughts about how it feels harder to manage my mind when I’m tired or at the end of the day? I know that’s a thought as well but I do feel physically and mentally worn out.

Intentional model:

c: late afternoon at work
t: I am learning new ways to work with this ‘work story’
f: aware
a: reach out for help, take time to think and self coach about the situation
r: start to shift things and learn and grow

Thank you!