The kid’s father wants to move


Hello coaches,

I just started the self coaching scholars and I realize that I often react as a child. I either blame other people or myself for what’s happening in my life. I want to become an “adult” but it’s hard. I need some help on a situation.

My ex husband and I divorced 5 years ago. We have 2 kids. They live one week at their father’s place, one week at my place.

Before we divorced, we had moved to a new town. He doesn’t like the town we live in and accuses me of being the reason why he moved (which is true).

He wants to move again and puts pressure on me. I don’t want to move again but I’m scared of the consequences it might have on our children. I also feel guilty for not wanting to move.

Here are my many unintentional models.

C: the kid’s father wants to move to another city
T: the father will be so mad at me for not moving
F: anxious
A: I avoid the topic; I act as if he wasn’t going to move; I ruminate
R: nothing is done

C: the kid’s father wants to move to another city
T: I should accept moving because it’s my fault if we moved here last time
F: guilty
A: I ruminate; I tell myself that I will accept to move before changing my mind again
R: Nothing

C: the kid’s father wants to move to another city
T: my children might want to move with their father
F: scared
A: I show my children how nice it is to live here all the time
R: (I don’t know)

C: the kid’s father wants to move to another city
T: my children will be so upset if their father moves
F: anxious
A: whenever the father talks about the topic, I avoid it or try to get a delay so that he doesn’t move
R: nothing is done

C: the kid’s father wants to move to another city
T: the father wouldn’t move if he cared about the children
F: mad
A: I complain about him, ruminate
R:

I don’t know if I got the models right. I couldn’t find the R.

And I would love to find an intentional model that would make me feel confident about my choice, and peaceful.

Could you please help me?

Thank you so much for everything.