The Model and Young Kids

Anybody have young kids here?
How do you teach your children to be “nice” – because what they do “hurts other people’s feelings.”…but at the same time, have a whole different paradigm for yourself (what other people do is not what hurts your feelings).
I’m having a hard time reconciling the two
– do you teach your children something else? Do you teach that because it’s developmentally appropriate for their age and then let them unlearn it when they are older?
– Is there something about the model that I am not understanding yet? Is there space to take other people’s feelings into account?

Would appreciate any thoughts.