The first relationship I chose this month is my mom. When I got to the question ‘what do you want to give or offer in this relationship’ I could think of anything. That was an eye opener. My mom was always there for us and she cooked meals, etc. but as for connection, I didn’t feel much. She has never hugged me or comforted me and when you have described mother relationships on podcasts I can’t relate. My mom was the opposite of emeshed with me. I don’t think she has any expectations at all. And if I ever told her I didn’t want her to come to my daughters soccer games she would say ok. And I also think if I said I don’t think I will visit you any more she would probably say ‘ok’. She lives in the same city as me. I have read that you can’t give away something you don’t have. I find it hard to give love to my stepdaughters and wonder if it is because I don’t have love. So I see that I need to love myself.
Models
C- my mother
T – she seems a bit absent or distant or un attached
F – apathetic, unattached, lonely
A – not confident in relationships with stepdaughters, withdraw
R – don’t have connection with stepdaughters

C – my mother
T – I love my husband. I am sooo grateful for his love and having him in my life. I know that I am lovable and am loved. And connected
F – loved
R – I have a loving relationship with my husband

Instead of thinking about what I don’t have with my mom and family I choose to concentrate on my relationship with my husband. But I still struggle with my relationship with stepdaughters. I want a model on how to be a better mom but I don’t have a role model. I don’t like spending much time with my parents and family. It is depressing and I feel lonely. My husband usually doesn’t come. It is usually a lot of neutral when I am there. I will be there next week for Mothers Day.