The scale goes up and I think…I’m an abomination.

I just spent an hour and a half (it went by SO fast) doing a thought download and lots of models on what happens inside when I step on my scale and the # goes down then up after 5 days of doing no sugar/no flour. Here are the 2 models that I came up with.

C-Step on scale and the # goes up
T-I’m an abomination
A-rush to stuff that feeling down, buffer, disassociate from myself, pull away, “punch” myself in the face, hate myself, justify, lie to myself, pretend I’m ok, look thru myself, don’t acknowledge myself, don’t see myself, give up
R-Abandon myself

From the result of abandoning myself-I create another thought…
C-Scale goes up
T-I’m going to let others decide for me because I’m nothing
A-follow others opinions, listen to others, disregard my thoughts and feelings, let others dictate my life, who I am, how I feel, self degrade and abuse
R-I become a shell of a person and rely on outside sources to “feel” and make me happy.

I created an intentional model but couldn’t get past the T line.

C-Scale goes up
T-Ok the scale went up

I know I need to work on neutralizing the C line-I’m not sure how to do that. Thank you in advance!