Following Jamie’s Feeling Workshop (which was absolutely wonderful!), I wanted some feedback on my work on “The Worst Feeling”:

If I went all in on writing this new screenplay…

1) The worst feeling I can imagine is…

Inadequate.

2) Describe this feeling and why you name it as the worst.

When I feel inadequate, I tell myself that there’s no way I’m going to make it as a writer, that this struggle will always be my daily bread, that I will never figure this out, that I am not smart like others who succeed in this. And it will also mean that I will never be able to support myself financially as a writer.

3) What exactly does the feeling feel like in your body?

I feel a quickening in my chest, shallow breathing, low blood pressure and at the same time a need to get up and hurry anywhere else but where I am sitting.

4) What do you imagine would cause a feeling like this?

What would cause it is thoughts like:
I am inadequate / I will never make it / I can’t seem to figure this out / this is too difficult for me / I don’t get it like others do.

5) What would be your experience of feeling it?

The experience would be stressful, choking, dreadful.

6) How might you react?

I would probably distract myself by watching some self-help video online or read emails instead.

7) How might you avoid it?

I would simply ignore the scheduled time to write or move it to another day.

8) How might you try to dull it?

By buffering my feelings online.

9) How might you resist it?

I may try to force myself to write or at least sit at my desk. I mostly just want it to go away.

10) What is the worst possible outcome of this feeling?

I tell myself that if I let myself feel inadequate, it will cause me to give up the whole dream of being a writer, because there’s no way I would write if I felt I am an inadequate person to write. And that means I will have to give up this dream, go look for another job that I won’t like and be miserable.

11) What is the best possible outcome of this feeling (if I let myself feel it)? What will I go after?

If I were able to accommodate the thought and feeling of inadequacy, but not let them run my day, I would show up to my daily work, I would allow myself to write mediocre drafts, I would insist on completing projects and on making them better, I would not freeze, buffer or distract myself, and I would become a better version of myself, and ultimately a better writer.

So, I think I understand that the sensation of feeling inadequate is not as bad as the story I have around “I feel inadequate as a writer.”
I hate what I am telling myself about it. I hate thinking it’s true. And I hate that I buy into this thought every time.

And so, an hour after I unveiled this experience that I am having. What now?