There is never enough of something you don’t want 2


Here are my answers to your questions. Thanks a lot!

Why do you think you are fantasizing about this other person?

Because he makes me talk about my life and I like it. He is curious and he is listening. Also, he is interested in art and literature. He is a creator, he likes to write and to draw. He likes to talk about it and I like it.

What does this buffering allow you to avoid?

I guess I avoid the frustration I feel in my marriage.

In your imagination, who are you? Who is he?

In my imagination, we would be close and intimate. I could share mundane things about my everyday life and he would be interested. He would do the same and I would be interested. We would have nice conversations and a deep bound. He would make my life richer.

Do you imagine disagreeing about money or how laundry should be folded or is it an ideal version of life together?

This is an ideal version of the beginning of a relationship.

What would it be like to choose to create a deep connection with the people in your life, including yourself?

I had a coaching call where I was saying that I worked a lot on “falling in love” with my husband and it only brings frustration because ultimately I didn’t choose him to be in love but to have a family. The coach said I could practice the thought: “This is full, complete and good enough”. I think it’s not necessary for me to be in love with my husband but this problematic keeps showing up in my life over and over again. I guess I could just accept that this relationship brings also sadness and frustration because of my thoughts? I may have the belief I should be passionate and loving must of the time.

To create a deeper connection with me, I could not judge me for who I am and for the feelings I experience. I could process my emotions. I could allow myself to feel sad and frustrated.