there is never enough of something you don’t want

I’m married and I had a crush on another guy than my husband. I’m googling him and watching videos of him talking about his job. This is like an urge, I want to see him. I’ve watched a coaching call from Brooke. She said there is never enough of something you don’t want. There will never be enough cookies when ultimately this is not food you crave.

So I wonder if I really want the guy? I’m fantasizing about us being together. I guess I’d like to be with him as I imagine it, but I don’t know him that much, so I guess this is just my imagination. And I guess he doesn’t want to be with me. And it would be a mess to get through a divorce. I feel sad to obsess over him and finally I don’t get the connection I crave for. I guess I will never have this type of connection with my husband, which I’ve married to have a family. I wonder what I should do with my desire to feel in love and with those crushes on different men.