There is no such thing as a painful relationship


Hello! I am a bit confused about a coaching session I was watching this evening and something that came up. I apologize as I don’t recall the coach’s name – but it was the video recording on relationships (this month). At one point, the coach said that there is no such thing as a painful relationship – only painful thoughts about a relationship. I currently work with clients (doing spiritual counseling at a mental health recovery center) and many of them have had severe abuse as a child (physical/sexual). These relationships have been painful for them. I am wrestling with how to understand those who have suffered this level of abuse, and am not understanding how I would not see or validate for them that their relationship has been painful. So, I am struggling with this concept as I consider these stories. I do understand and do a lot of work with my clients around shifting one’s thoughts and the meaning they make about a situation, as well as the importance of personal choice/power. But I would love some guidance around this concept and teaching and how it might apply to this level of suffering and relationship. What makes it “not okay” or aligned with the model, to acknowledge that a relationship or this kind of abuse is painful? I am just curious about this as being foundational to the model and I am not understanding of how the model “works” in situations such as these. Thank you so much! This is my first month in Scholars. So very thankful!!