There is too much going on in the world and in my life and I don’t know how to process all of it.

I think I need help processing some feelings. I’m currently believing my brain when it tells me there is too much going on in the world and that I couldn’t possibly process all of it.

I live in NJ and have COVID.

My Dad in Michigan was admitted into the hospital with chest pains this morning and they found nodules on his lungs that are likely cancer.

My brother in Ohio didn’t answer phone calls from my Dad or my Mom so he didn’t know until I called him about an hour ago.

I’m feeling angry, frustrated, sad and helpless.

Angry because what was my brother doing that he couldn’t answer the phone?!

Frustrated because I had planned to go home for Memorial weekend prior to getting sick and now I can’t go home until I get a negative test.

Sad because I keep trying to avoid the news and keep seeing images of grieving people in Buffalo and small children who were killed in the latest mass shooting and parents who will never see their kids again and I just don’t understand the world.

Helpless because I literally can’t do anything about this.

I know that processing this emotion is the next step. But this seems like too much to process. You want me to just feel all of this?! I feel like I have 20 circumstances, a billion feelings and too many things to process.

C: Dad in hospital. Brother doesn’t answer call. Person shot and killed 10 black people in a supermarket. Person shot and killed 21 people in a school.
T: I have to feel all of this.
F: Panic
A: Freeze. Don’t do anything. Don’t process. Continue to avoid feelings. Indulge in negative emotions. Cry.
R: I avoid all of it and feel none of it.

I know I should probably break all those Cs into different Models, but I’m not doing it because of the freeze response. Any help to get me started would be great.