“Things are hard for me”

Hi, Brooke. Thank you for providing such a rich learning experience. Before I ask my question, here’s some background: I’ve had lots and lots of challenges to overcome in my life from childhood to now Midlife. I’ve done a
Lot of work on myself to learn how to manage my life my thoughts and my spiritual life. I’m doing the thought downloads and here’s what I noticed happening: I continue to come back to challenges like jealousy and inadequacy in various scenarios even though I’ve coached myself through them before. It’s like I know the answer but I keep indulging in the negative thought pattern because….the overarching META thought I have about ME and my life is: “things are hard for me.” It feels embarrassing to even write that because it feels egotistical to my logical mind. I know that everyone has challenges and some deal with so much more than I do. Yet…my mind looks to the heaps of evidence in my past – all of the challenges on my childhood, a marriage to someone who constantly travels, my son’s health issues when he was born, my constant struggle with weight even though I am more active and eat better then most people I know, early onset menopause and it is all verifiably true. But I’ve overcome all of it. I work hard. I find answers in the short term, but I always seem to return to this thought that things are hard for me and “I’m good at struggling” – will I always have to challenge that thought? Will it never leave me?

I want to be rid of this congnitive dissonance. It is sapping my self confidence and engendering jealousy. This is something new for me that I am deeply uncomfortable with.