I think I’m a Needy GF


Hi Brooke – my boyfriend can be emotionally distant at times, this hurts and I would like him to open up to me more. I think sometimes I come off as needy (i.e. ask questions to pry), which makes him more distant, etc. I tried doing some thought downloads about this …

Unintentional:
C: Doesn’t respond to my text message
T: He doesn’t care about me
F: Lonely
A: Reach out to him more OR withdraw
R: annoy him

Intentional:
C: Doesn’t respond to my text message
T: He’s busy
F: Not a big deal
A: Do other things
R: We’ll talk when he’s not busy

Unintentional:
C: He made comment why are you with me
T: Wonder why he would say that, he doesnt care about me
F: Sad
A: Withdraw
R: Make him feel that way more

Intentional:
C: He asked why are you with me
T: Because he’s smart, always there for me, dependable and trustworthy
F: Appreciation
R: Appreciate him

Intentional:
C: There is silence in the conversation
T: We don’t have a connection
F: Sad
R: Withdraw

Unintentional:
C: There is silence in the conversation
T: How nice, we can just be comfortable
F: Relaxed
A: Let my mind wander and figure out things to do
R: Find things to talk about

Intentional:
C: There’s silence
T: He’s thinking about other things, not me or doubting us
F: Insecure
A: Act distant
R: No conversation

Intentional:
C: There’s silence
T: He’s present
F: Warm
A: Act warm
R: Better connection

After doing this, I realized at the end of the day — even through my thought downloads– I’m trying to change his behavior (i.e. get a better result). This made me feel really sad bc I want him to be himself. I’m wondering if maybe he is picking up this and is why he’s acting distant?

Does Chris ever need space to decompress? How do you come to terms with it when you need an emotional connection? What have you suggested to your clients? I’m not sure I fully believe any of the statements that I’ve listed. Advice?

Here’s another thought download:
C: Want emotional connection
T: I have friends and family I can reach out to
F: love
A: Reach out to other people, put myself out there
R: Bigger support network, don’t only rely on BF for emotional support

Thank you in advance! 🙂