Thinking Less About Someone


I wrote to Ask a Coach about hating my husband and more. There were two suggestions that might work under normal circumstances, but don’t feel like they work for me. I wonder if there are more options.

The first suggestion was to think different thoughts about him, such as “he’s having a bad day.” I used to think like this when were were married and he was occasionally or more mildly adversive or in a bad mood. Now that he has hired lawyers to try to avoid child support and there are weekly if not daily adversive interactions, trying to take my separate property as community property, etc., I do not believe he is having a bad day. It has been like this for nearly 2 years and just seems to continue or get worse.

Suggestion two was to spend less time thinking about him. I definitely try to do this and feel better when I do, however an ongoing legal battle, young children, covid transmission risk through children, his decisions that could impact children’s well-being and life, etc. cause me to think about him sometimes and more than I want.

If I ignore this problem it doesn’t go away. Being slow on legal matters or giving in just creates different problems. My preference would be just to not think about him. Even if I don’t think of him, I think about the negative impact on my and my children’s life from him.

There are many things not available to me now that I am divorced with children. He tries to intentionally make it as hard for me as possible. Sometimes I feel very impacted by this, other times less, but still feels upsetting he is trying to make things so difficult. Looking for alternatives.