this afternoon


My boyfriend is a photographer and since he is at home he saw like a competition he can participate in.
So he asked me if I could be his “Model”. Based on past experience he knows I’m not really the best person for this job.
First I dont like it because I feel so insecure. I’m scared I won’t get it right. I’m not able to be pretty and act pretty in front of the camera like others. And I’m scared he will notice it too..
And secondly after 1,5h I was tired and I didn’t want to do it anymore. I just wanted to lay on the balcony and enjoy the sun. And that’s why I was just waiting to get it over with. As we had some technical issues he was stressed and was looking for a solution to that problem. And I just did nothing haha. I didn’t really help because it was just too hard to help. I didn’t get the motivation to think of a solution. So he was loud and angry and after 10minutes suggested we will take a break. And this was good.
Basically my thing I want to work on is on how I can show up as a supportive partner in this process of mine. It happens a lot. Where I’m just not motivated enough to help him. And I’m physically there but don’t contribute with anything really.

Would love your help on this!