This one feels hard

As I poke away at my thoughts and continue to blow my mind, I’m noticing how much fun I haven’t spent.

Like for most of my life, I haven’t focused on having fun. I can give reasons etc but the reasons aren’t that important.

But fun. How to have it?

I’m not sure I even know where to begin.

Here are my initial models with this.

C – having fun
T – I am not sure where to begin
F – disconnected
A – I focus on serious things that matter in my work, (which is fun, but mindless hanging out fun) I focus on results, a little disconnected from husband and kids and avoid having close funny friends.
R – feel lacking and yearning for fun.

Um 2
C – having fun
T – I really want to have some fun
F – energy flowing
A – it feels good but also nervous not sure I know what to do want to buffer a little to make it easier
R – not sure the r here

Next Model – closer to an IM

C – having fun
T – maybe try chilling out a little and letting it flow
F – energy flow is still there, I’m game but still feeling clueless in what to do
A – awkward
R – ? maybe a small step in the direction I want to go??

Okay… so need a little guidance here.
Feel a bit like a fawn learning to walk.