So I noticed a pattern of behaviour.
Whenever I want to do something but I can’t fully commit like I’m ashamed to do it and I don’t have like something pushing me I don’t do it because of SHAME or something else.

Examples:

-Sex. I wish I could just be brave enough to let myself go and seduce my boyfriend. I don’t have these exact thought I can’t do it. Its just something that is holding me back. –> once in a while I do it but ONLY if I’m really horny and I missed him

-Apologizing and shut up! If someone screams at me I have a really hard time being silent and talking about things. being normal, being calm, rational. It just feels so awkward and embarrassing and I want to so bad sometimes. But its just doesn’t feel right and here I again I don’t think the thought it doesn’t feel right but something is holding me back.
-> once in a while I do it but ONLY if I know I screwed up and the other person is going to be real mad or leave me.

I like to compare it to alcohol and dancing. you know these people who want to go and dance on the dancefloor but they just can’t because it feels to strange etc and then they drink alcohol and they bring themselves to do it.
dancing= sex or apologizing
alcohol=horny/missing him or people getting angry /leaving me

What can I do to step out of my shadow and be fully present on these actions I want to take?
or what can I ask myself to know what holds me back??

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

big hug