Thought "clusterf—" and and how you state the C


Two things I’ve noticed about the model lately:

1. Over the past several months, I’ve done dozens of models on being unmarried. Then, I watched Brooke coach the violinist who was starting all her models with the C line as: “I haven’t won an orchestra job.” She HAD an orchestra job, just without a permanent contract and benefits. That was an aha moment for me. While the circumstance looked neutral as written, it was quite emotionally loaded for the violinist, so it was keeping her focused on the “lack.”

I realized then that a lot of my models were stating my C the same way: “unmarried.” And I was doing the same thing to myself. I am in a relationship that many states would recognize as a common law marriage, but without the legal status. (It is not recognized in my state; and there are lots of estate planning considerations and complications that are some of my chief reasons for wanting legal marriage.) So like the violinist who wasn’t giving herself credit for having an orchestra job, I have at times indulged in feeling as bereft as I did when I had no relationship, which is one of my brain’s old familiar negative places to go. I can’t say I’m 100% feeling great yet, but I am getting there and am onto myself. I have made a lot of progress since watching the violinist get coached.

2. I’ve noticed in a lot of my work with the Model over the past few months that certain entrenched issues have “thought clusters,” indicated by every model having a different thought, but similar feelings, actions and results. There is always a common underlying belief or assumption common to all of them. In a way, it makes them all the same model.

I realized that my models about not having legal marriage all have the same underlying common model, that itself questions the model:

C: Not legally married
T: “I have no control over the result I want”
F: smoldering rage
A: spin in the mind, judge myself and my wants, occasionally need to withdraw from being around boyfriend so I can get over myself and then show up how I want, avoid the subject, avoid “tough conversation” about estate planning considerations for fear of being misunderstood
R: not legally married

Here’s where I’m stuck. I believe I have control over every other result in my life, even when the vote or opinion of others is involved — influencing how someone votes or buys. Give me that kind of task, and I can totally get it done. And, I worked through a lot of the “it’s out of my control” victim crap on other subject matter.

But get married? This is the final frontier. It. Is. Impossible. (This isn’t my impossible goal for 2020 — I picked something financial because I believe money is always within my control even if it is a big stretch.)

So my attempt at an intentional model is:

C: Not legally married
T: I create my results in life, always
F: Empowered
A: refuse to take what anyone else says or does personally, believe the model in this subject same as I do on other subjects, require far less behind-the-scenes effort to show up the way I want, ???
R: we get legally married for the right reasons at the right time

Anything you’d add to help me believe that “I create my results in life, always”? When my brain is hellbent on thinking THIS topic is different?