Thought download

In my heartbreak right now I did a thought download.
I don’t want to go through this heartbreak
I hate that I’m having to go through this
I don’t want to go through this breakup
I also don’t wanna be with someone who is sleeping with multiple people
I’m tired of feeling sad and heartbroken
I’m tired of feeling this loss but I know it was the right decision to leave.
Why was I not good enough
Why couldn’t he just choose me
How will I ever be loved again by someone and me love them back.

And then I go through and I answer all these with positive answers like:
We both did the best we could
I was good enough he’s just not ready for commitment
He did choose me but not the way I wanted
I do want to go through this heartbreak because I didn’t wanna be in an open relationship
I am willing to miss him and be lonely so that I’m not betraying myself in a relationship
There has to be someone out there that will love me and I love them.

Even when I do these positive things I still don’t feel better somehow I know they’re true but they don’t make me feel better. I just want him back to take away this grief. But I also don’t because I want to be strong enough to get through this for me and myself!

Any wisdom to support my process?