Thought Download for Weight Loss

I am having a hard time losing 12-15lbs. I’ve never sustainably been below the weight I’m at now so I did a thought download on it. What do I do with this disaster? Clearly, the vast majority of my thoughts do not feel good. Some of the worst culprits are:

T: This isn’t sustainable/F: Hopeless/A: Eat off-plan or don’t even make a plan
T: I shouldn’t want to lose weight/F: Shame/A: Eat off-plan or don’t even make a plan
T: I can’t do this if I’m not prepared enough/F: Procrastination/A: Eat off-plan
T: What if I look older?/F: Panic/A: Eat off plan
T: This is going to set me up to binge/F: I don’t even know/A: Don’t make a plan
T: Eating healthy isn’t cool/F: Defeated/A: Don’t make a plan
T: I will never stick to this/F: Defeated/A: Don’t make a plan

So clearly, I need some new thoughts as my current ones are all resulting in either eating off the plan or not even making the plan, to begin with.

Thought Download:

I can feel my stomach rolls. I looked fat in most of the pics yesterday. I’m fatter than the other girls. I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other girls. I should be happy at the weight I’m at. I am probably capable of getting to 115-120, but what if I look too think or old at that weight? What if losing weight ages me? I wish my stomach were flatter. I wish I just had less fat on my body overall. I don’t know why I’m so bloated lately. I’ve never ever been able to get to 115-120 without starving myself or without Adderall.

Is it even possible to get to that weight in a healthy way? It must be because other people do it. I’ve been this height and have been 115-120 before, albeit I was a teenager but so what? I could still build my booty as I lose weight. But what if I completely lose my ass? I don’t want that! I’ll have to be consistent, and I’ve never been consistent with anything. What if my body just doesn’t want to lose weight? It clearly wants to be this weight, since it’s been this weight for a long time. Am I really supposed to eat less than I already do?

I certainly can’t count calories. I really don’t want to look “old” if I lose weight. I’m afraid my face would get too thin. My back is fat, and my bra is tight. I wish I had fewer rolls and thinner thighs. Is it even possible for me to lose weight? I don’t want to get obsessed with this. I don’t actually even want to think about losing weight. I know that it’s just math and that if I could just do the math, and stick to the plan, that weight loss would inevitably occur but sometimes I’m ravenously hungry and can’t do it.

Other people fast without any issue at all. Fasting is really good for you. But if I fast, how do I get enough calories in my one meal of the day? I don’t want to tell anyone if I’m wanting to lose weight. I think they’ll judge me or shame me for body shaming or something. Am I even allowed to want to lose weight? I can feel my stomach being bloated right this second. Do I just cut out sugar and flour? But I don’t like people who are all goody-goody with their food. I don’t want to be a goody-goody person either. I feel like that will make me a loser. But I know other people who don’t eat garbage and are fine.

What about alcohol? I like to drink alcohol, and if I’m hungover I might need carbs. Or I can just drink vodka soda, I need a tiny bit of sugar at least a splash. Am I supposed to do the stop overeating masterclass again? I don’t know why this doesn’t work for me. I just know I won’t stick to the plan if I make it. I’ve never ever been able to stick with it. I’m too tired to stick to it, but I know that’s what everyone says. I don’t think I’ll be able to do that much cooking.

What if I brought food to work, that sounds like too much effort but if I don’t prepare I’ll be ravenously hungry when I get home. Could I just eat chipotle every single day for dinner with all the fixings? Could I do a chipotle cleanse? I wonder if anyone else has ever done a chipotle cleanse, I should google it. It literally looks like this is a thing. One chipotle bowl could give me all the calories I need for a day. I wonder if I could buy dinner every day for a month? This is starting to sound unsustainable again.

I don’t want to have to be cooking every day. Now I’m feeling like I want to get obsessive again. I am okay with simple meals but I don’t think I want to cook them every day. Can I eat the same thing every day? Is that sustainable? Is this going to set me up for a binge? I don’t think I can weigh myself every day. I think that will trigger binge sensations/urges in me. I don’t want to think about food anymore. I really don’t. I just want to be 12lbs thinner is all. People have lost a lot more weight than that. Why can’t I do this?