c: i have to do a photo shoot today
t: it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take everything out of me, it’s not going to be fun, i don’t have the proper industry background or experience, the client is not going to like the photos
f: dread, anxiety
a: do the shoot anyway and give it my all, with all my feelings of not good enough
r: great photos, happy clients

so then when i have that thought loop, but then i’m rewarded by beautiful photos that the client is happy with, what is going on there?
am i believing that if i don’t feel this dread and anxiety, then i won’t get the beautiful photos?
why does fear sometimes get you a positive result? or does it?

this thought pattern has been a constant since i was a kid, for example:
c: i have an exam
t: if i don’t do well i’m worthless
f: dread, anxiety, fear
a: procrastinate, study last minute
r: great grades, even top of the class

What in the world is going on here? Am I thinking that if I don’t feel these fears, I won’t do well?

Thank you.