Thought Loop and Still Attached to Results

(Sorry, this is a little long…)
I can’t seem to get out of this thought pattern re: my business. I have a few clients but haven’t seen the growth I’d like. I do the work, coach myself, etc. and often take inspired action. The thoughts I seem to have when I take action are “Putting myself out there will help generate new business” “This [activity, project, email, way of reaching out, etc.] would be fun and it could be great for my business” “For my business to grow I need to make an effort.” etc.

Then, I genuinely feel excited and take x,y,z action. When I take action, it feels like it is coming from a good, positive place.

But then, 9/10 times I do not get the “result” I want and instantly feel disappointed. For example, this month, I took a big leap and interviewed for a position that would be great for my business – did my thought work to make sure I was in the right place and in alignment. The process was a huge effort because I had to interview multiple times and prepare. During the process, I genuinely felt good, was having fun, and started to get excited/get my hopes up. And I started to get attached to the results.

When I heard yesterday that I was not accepted, I instantly felt defeated and depressed. My thought immediately went to > “Here it goes again.” “Why bother putting yourself out there when you are constantly getting burned and rejected.” “It never works out”

Then I do the model and find another thought and try again; but it’s almost as if there is a pattern that I’m not breaking. Rather, it’s a continually cycle of 1) Feeling bad 2) Doing the Model and Finding a Better Thought 3) Getting Excited Temporarily and Taking Inspired Action 4) Hearing News That It Didn’t Work Out the Way I Hoped 5) Feeling Disappointed 6) Starting Over and Figuring Out How to Pump Myself Back Up, etc.

I want to take action but I feel like I’m constantly disappointed. Yes, I’m proud of how far I’ve come from a personal growth standpoint and I also know that I can’t be looking to external circumstances to feel good. But I want external results too – the job, the client, the big opportunity to work out – and really haven’t seen them given what I feel I’ve been putting out into the world.

I know I shouldn’t be attached but something feels like it has to give. I’ve been doing this for years and I’m getting tired…