If someone tells us what they’re thinking, why can’t we consider that we know what they’re thinking? For example, if my husband says he feels connected when we’re sharing an experience, why can’t we consider that a fact in the story instead of as still being my thoughts?
Also, here’s the unintentional model created by the coach in the answer based on what I had said:
T He is annoyed because he wants to use his phone
A Criticize him, “He doesn’t know how to not give in to urges. He’s like a baby having a tantrum”, want him to speak more, he said he wanted to spend time together but only when it is convenient for him, build up story in my head, he’s not doing what I want
R I am annoyed
And here’s the intentional model I created and would like feedback on:
C = Husband says he misses me and wants us to spend more time together
T = My husband wants to connect with me, his wife
F = Understanding
A = I acknowledge his feelings, I evaluate whether I will stop what I’m doing to spend time with him or continue what I’m doing and spend time with him another time. I don’t watch TV with him to “connect” because I don’t like watching his shows and he doesn’t like mine, but I do any number of other activities like walking outside, talking, playing a game, or listening to music together.
R = I remain honest and authentic in the relationship while acknowledging and honoring his desires.