thought the love of my life

so i tried again to think my thought of the month “he’s the love of my life”
and immidiately after thinking it i feel the feeling i describe little bit like this:
i just dont feel the strong feelings, respect i should or i think should be if i think he’s the love of my life.
its not enough the feeling, i feel its ridicolous.
i can’t seem to find the exact thought its just goes directly do this not enough, ridicolous feeling.

can you help me with that?
i want to be able to know the exact thought and not only have the feeling and be able to only describe the feeling.

thank you very much.

big hug