Thoughts About Husband


Last week, my husband told me that he doesn’t want to see me (and my zombie face) around and that he doesn’t want to talk to me because my presence is stressing him out.

I felt sad about what he said and had this thought: this marriage is a failure, he shouldn’t tell me that I have a zombie face and that I am causing him stress.

I really understand intellectually that he can say what he wants and that my thoughts are creating the feeling of sadness. But, I tried (anyway) to talk to him so that I can understand what’s happening and explain to him that I feel sad. And this action created even more disconnection.

C – Words from husband: doesn’t want to see me around and doesn’t want to talk to me
T – This marriage is a failure
F – Sad
A – Try to talk to him anyway/ Try to ask him what’s happening
R – Complete disconnection

How could I (in the meantime) hold space for my sadness and some emotional boundaries around what he said (and could say in the future)?

I tried this intentional model:

C – Words from husband: doesn’t want to see me around and doesn’t want to talk to me
T – OK he needs some space
F – ??
A – Not talking to him/ not being around
R – Hold space for him

My struggle is with the feeling.

All the thoughts about this situation are also causing me so much insecurity, anxiety and some insomnia (this marriage is a failure, it’s always me who does the work, he doesn’t understand that his thoughts are stressing him out not me, I should take my kids and leave him).

So when I try the intentional model, I feel some resistance.

I am having three other models on top of this model and judging myself for not being able to create the right feeling. I’m also judging my incapacity to love him unconditionally and my indulging in confusion and self-loathing.